If I dared write
what’s in my heart,
what’s on my mind,
what drives me on,
I’d attract ants,
and bring bees
to the smell...
I see you, not as words —
not a single quote
or chapter — but as
an unfolding story.
And I love reading the story
that you are —...
"I want to be a writer…"
she said, her solemn
six year old eyes
trained upon the
rumpled by life writer.
"But you can do...
Fractals in the pathos
True religion fractured
The wisest men grey most
And with the wingspan of some pterodactyl
We’re too afraid to stay...
This past weekend, my randomly paired roommate went crazy and threatened to attack me. He spent the entire night yelling through the door about how all the ways he was going to beat me, and also a series of very hurtful slurs.
Exhausted, the next day I snuck my way to the manager’s office and told him the story. I spent my saturday packing up and moving all in the span of a couple of hours. He placed me in an opening up the road with some very nice people. But I did everything so fast and so hungry (I wasn’t able to eat for most of the day because said crazy guy was in the kitchen and I couldn’t leave the room.) that it took a lot out of me. I was left exhausted for days after as I unpacked. But now I’m in a safe, nicer apartment.
There’s a couple of small issues around this place that I’m working to resovle, all while juggling some work craziness and drama with a group of people I got roped into against my will.
I’m also trying to get back in the dating scene. I’m having some luck with some people. I think they’re interested, at least it seems that way, but our work scheduels are conflicting. Fingers crossed in this regard,
That’s it in a nutshell. I left out some details, and am postponing my planned piece until tomorrow because I had to work an opening shift and thus am beyond exhausted for working and doing an entire day on four hours of sleep. So now I- *passes out* zzz…
Full update on what all happened to me tonight, and I’ll also try to post a piece then too.
Its been a crazy ride, and quite a story. Now I have to sit back and grumble grumpily about work calling me in this early. (It’s five AM where I am right now, and I am the exact opposite of a morning person.)
My annoying roommates that I hate just found out about my sexuality. They then spent a couple hours telling me how disgusting I am and asking me a bunch of insulting questions.
*sigh* There’s a reason I like to keep it under wraps.
3. Furry, purr-y kitty.
13. Rottie. I like how they look, and they’re just big ol’ fluffy, muscular puppies.
24.One of my own. “Carpe Anima.” (Seize the Soul.)
I realized that me falling into a depressive funk really derailed my plans for the summer. (And by that I mean learning more, reading more, writing more) My shit job takes a lot out of me, and makes it hard to do or think anything else for the rest of the day.
But after talking with a friend, I realized that I should be making more of an effort to do those things. Those things invigorate me and make me feel better, so I should be trying to do them more. They should be helping me feel better and give me the energy that my job drains from me.
I also realized that I’ve got a lot of ideas and projects that I’ve started or jotted down that are really good. So I’m going to me making more of an effort to do more despite working. More stories, and more intelligent stuff. I’m hoping that this will be well received by my lovely followers, and hope it will also be good for me too.
Any thoughts, comments or suggestions are welcome.
Lost four followers after posting that personal thing last night. I guess me talking about my problems is too much for some to deal with. Or rather want to deal with.
I don’t exactly know what pushed me into it, possibly a profound sense of loneliness and alcohol, but I violated my little decision about not dating at all. I started trying to get out there… and like always I failed miserably. I kept getting turned down no matter what, and it was a real kick in the nuts emotionally and self-esteem-wise. I feel… almost like despite who I am and what I am like as a person, I am all but unlovable. I can’t help but think if I were to look better physically, I would be better recieved. And currently I’ve been working out more, but if I am right and after changing I start getting all this attention, then I’m just going to end up resenting people. I know they don’t give a shit about me as a person, just how I look. Is it really that hard to like me for me?
On a somewhat relevant tangent, can I just say how much I hate it when you ask someone if they want to hang out or do something sometime (not even asking on a date), they say all enthusiastically that they want to, you exchange contact info, and then never ever hear from them again. Though part of me kind of understands (even though not really, it baffles me), I honestly wish they would just tell me no from the start. I hate being a total fool, getting my hopes up, and experiencing disappointment again and again. Seriously, you can be a jerk to me, I’m a cashier, I get it all the time, it would save us both a lot of time and trouble.
I’m just angry and sad. Angry at everyone else, and myself, and just sad because I’m lonely and I think no matter what I do, I’m always going to be. I just wish someone could like me for me, but as each day passes on, it seems more and more clear that just isn’t possible. And that’s almost too unbearable to live with.
Anger is a poisonous pillar,
One we hastily construct in ourselves,
To keep our soul from collapsing,
While choking us,
Taking our breath away,
Anger, a means of survival,
But only in misery.
Super super wiped out. Hopefully some food and caffeine will do me right.